


Fallen into Place

by hyunjinist



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Everything's soft in the beginning, Hyunjin deserves better, Hyunjin writes poems, Hyunjin's my bias??, M/M, One-Sided Love, Poetic!Hyunjin, Why do I keep making Hyunjin suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 03:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14464173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunjinist/pseuds/hyunjinist
Summary: Perhaps, it was the waiting that got to him.(or, alternatively, the four times Hyunjin called Felix with pet names and the one time he didn't.)





	Fallen into Place

**Author's Note:**

> to stray typous and the continuous love we have for hyunlix— also the amount of screams i'd probably get after posting _yet another_ angst.
> 
> ...why am i always sad?? i don't even know.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

__

_the first time i saw you,_  
_beautiful rang in my ears._  
_you captivated the entire room,_  
_stole my heart in the process, too._  
_"hey, beautiful," was what i told you_  
_and you greeted me back_  
_with your rosy cheeks_  
_and a hit on my head,_  
_"i have a name," you told me._  
_it wasn't like i didn't know—_  
_i just liked calling you beautiful._

__

_**///** _

Hyunjin had his focus elsewhere, his head slightly tilted to the side, his eyes fully closed, and his head probably somewhere in the clouds. He didn’t feel like listening to the lecture at all. He was only in his first semester of college, but dear God, he figuratively wanted to choke himself already.

As he was about to quietly doze off as he has more than a couple of times already in the past couple of weeks, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

If it were anyone else, he would’ve kept sleeping. If it were anyone else, he would’ve opened one eye and tell them to leave him alone.

But no, as Hyunjin opened his eyes painfully slowly, who greeted his eyes next wasn’t who he had in mind. 

“ _Hello_ ,” the boy conversed in English. “ _I’m new here, and I was wondering if you… took notes? My korean’s kind of… yeah._ ”

“ _Hey, beautiful._ ” Hyunjin wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Instead of answering the beautiful boy’s question, he replied with most probably the most stupid reply he could’ve thought of. To say that he was embarrassed was an understatement.

“ _I have a name_ ,” the beautiful boy said, rosy cheeks and a silent hit to Hyunjin’s head accompanying his deep voice afterwards. “ _Felix Lee_.”

“ _Hwang Hyunjin_ ,” Hyunjin finally could breathe out a proper answer, for once in his life. “ _A pleasure meeting you, beautiful_.”

Felix tried to ignore Hyunjin’s voice constantly repeating the word _beautiful_ , choosing to focus on the lecture instead, though his heart and mind both agreed on beating a tad bit faster than usual and thoughts roaming around a certain black-haired boy. However distracting and perfect the black-haired boy seemed to the beautiful foreign new boy, he hadn’t been taking notes either, so with what little korean he understood, he jotted down some jumbled words, a few mumbled curses slipped here and there.

Once the hell of a lecture for both boys finished, the black-haired boy quietly slipped a neon yellow post-it note to the beautiful new boy’s hands, and with a smudgy, black pen, a number was messily written on it. The rosy hue returned to the beautiful new boy’s cheeks as he stuffed the post-it into his pocket, reminding himself to add it to his contacts later on.

 

__

_**///** _

__

_baby,_  
_your beauty radiates as if_  
_the sun just cascaded_  
_all of its rays onto_  
_every single detail you have._  
_baby,_  
_your personality shines as if_  
_the moon just transcended_  
_all of its glow onto_  
_every single part of your heart._  
_baby,_  
_has stealing my heart_  
_countless of times_  
_on a daily basis_  
_become your new hobby?_  
_baby,_  
_i don't mind,_  
_as long as you stay._  
_baby,_  
_i don't need a promise,_  
_i just need you to stay._

__

_**///** _

Hyunjin gathered his courage around the ninth week and finally asked Felix out on a date. Felix, however, seemed to have viewed it differently, for Hyunjin asked him if he “wanted to go out or not” and not of going on a date with him. Hyunjin’s just slightly frustrated over this.

“Baby, you’re beautiful,” Hyunjin blurted out loud in Korean. Eyes wide, covering his face with both hands after the realization kicked in. Felix only blinked twice at him.

“ _What did you say_?” Felix asked.

“ _Nothing_ ,” Hyunjin muttered, still embarrassed. “ _I just said… you remind me of a baby_.”

“ _A baby_?” Felix scrunched his face. “ _How am I a baby_?”

“ _You’re like… a child, then_ ,” Hyunjin replied, his eyes fixated on Felix’s own pair. “ _You just need to be taken care of_.”

Felix’s mouth formed a large ‘O’ as he looked at Hyunjin for a few more seconds, then smiled.

“ _I’m not a child anymore, but hey, thanks for wanting to take care of me_?” Felix said, slightly laughing as his eyes twinkled as he scrunched his nose at the same time.

Hyunjin smiled back, his heart thumping loudly. If Felix truly were a child, perhaps his favorite toy would be Hyunjin’s feelings. Even as teenagers who were soon-to-be adults, Felix really knew how to play with Hyunjin’s heart, and Hyunjin let him anyway.

It’s a shame that while Felix was playing with his, someone else was already playing with Felix’s heart too. A push and pull game with more of the pull from the other side, and Felix was at the unfortunate receiving end.

 

__

_**///** _

__

_you're falling,_  
_but not for me._  
_why are you falling?_  
_you shouldn't be falling._  
_an angel should fly,_  
_not fall._  
_tell me, angel,_  
_why are you falling?_  
_i'm a mere human,_  
_i can only do my best_  
_to catch you._  
_if only i were more_  
_of what i am,_  
_if only i were able_  
_to have everything i didn't,_  
_maybe even an angel like you_  
_would have fallen for me too_  
_instead of falling into a place_  
_with the most minimum of light._  
_tell me, angel,_  
_are you still falling?_  
_or perhaps,_  
_was i already late to your calling?_

__

_**///** _

Six months in, half a year, and Hyunjin had successfully gained his new title as one of Felix’s most trusted best friends. As a best friend, Hyunjin had the privilege to make Felix laugh even with the lamest of jokes, had the privilege to make him smile even with the most embarrassing of acts, had the privilege to make him happy even with all the frustrating things he had done.

But as a best friend, Hyunjin too had the privilege to see Felix break down. He had the privilege of seeing Felix cry at his lowest times, shaky breathes filling the air at his dawn and flowing rivers at his dusk. Hyunjin would tell him, “ _Angel, it’s okay, I’m here_.” His words were oddly comforting, and Felix didn’t know if he liked it or not.

Felix was a whirlwind of emotions that Hyunjin hadn’t expected but immediately adjusted to. Whether he was somehow forced to adjust or not, it didn’t matter. Hyunjin was infatuated with the beautiful foreign boy, and at this point, he was hopeless, most probably. 

Before Hyunjin even got to know him, another had taken Felix’s hand in his own and guided him to a dance floor filled with cracks and thorns, and while it was clearly dangerous, Felix had calmly and brightly stepped in with the guide of the other’s deceive, paying attention only to who was guiding and not his actual surroundings. After a while of stepping on so many cracks and thorns, perhaps Felix finally realized how much he had been hurting. His feet ached, his heart swelled in pain and his body felt weak. The guide had left him there, his hand unheld now. It was the perfect time for someone to slip in and hold Felix’s hand even tighter, but instead, they waited.

Perhaps, it was the waiting that got to him.

 

__

_**///** _

__

_love, don't go_  
_for when you are lonely_  
_for when you are down_  
_for when you feel_  
_like the whole world_  
_is against you,_  
_i'll be here_  
_with open arms_  
_and my smiling face_  
_hoping for you_  
_to wrap your own arms_  
_around me too._  
_love, don't go_  
_for these arms were made_  
_just for holding you._

__

_**///** _

“I’ve had enough of you!” Felix shouted, his hands formed into fists as his mouth did its best to spit out profanities after nearly every other single word that came out of it. “Fuck you, Hyunjin!”

“Wait—”

“You were supposed to be there for me!” Felix screamed. “Aren’t we best friends?!”

Felix’s words threw flames into Hyunjin’s heart, and as it burned and ached at the same time, Felix’s eyes had the same flames in them too, ready to throw even more at his best friend.

“Look, she’s your family,” Hyunjin tried to reason with him, although a bit weakly. “I couldn’t say anything else.”

“She’s my _stepmother_!” Felix argued. “She’s not related to me in the _slightest_. The legal papers may say she’s one of my two guardians now, or whatever, but I’ll never approve of her!”

“I—”

“Shut up!” Felix screamed, pushing Hyunjin away with both of his hands. “I don’t want to hear anything from you.” 

Instead of complying and listening to Felix’s words, Hyunjin stepped even closer and swiftly wrapped his arms around Felix’s shorter and smaller frame, trapping him with his bigger body. Felix could scream, hit, shout all he wanted, Hyunjin would be there to listen and be the shoulder for him to cry on and the wall he’d punch simultaneously. Hyunjin would dare to be anything if it meant Felix would be happy.

“You could’ve done something,” Felix repeated, only muttered this time. “I have to lose my dream… all because of you!”

When Felix’s stepmother came over to Felix’s apartment as he was still studying at Hyunjin’s, she had been a bit mad, blaming and accusing Felix of not caring for her at all, and instead choosing his _asshole of a boyfriend_ over _his own stepmother._ No matter how much it was true that Felix could barely bat an eye at how much he cared for his stepmother, Hyunjin definitely _wasn’t_ his boyfriend, and he absolutely hated being accused.

So as he retorted and fought back, he almost immediately regretted it. Because the next thing he knew was that his stepmother was barging into his bedroom and ripping every single thing he had worked so hard for to chase his dreams. He’d have to forcefully change his passion, and trying to change something that had driven him so far in life truly broke something in him.

He would’ve been okay overall, but the fact that Hyunjin merely stood there and watched as Felix fought with his stepmother truly frustrated and disheartened him. Hyunjin could’ve tried to help Felix, but no, he’d rather stand and do nothing than let his own best friend be happy in chasing his dreams.

“Look, I think we need a break,” Felix stated as he forcefully pushed Hyunjin away and ran his fingers through his hair frustratedly. “I can’t do this. I can’t live knowing that my own best friend did absolutely _nothing_ while my stepmother had threatened to take everything away from me.”

Hyunjin’s eyes shook with fear. “Love, you don’t mean that.”

“Stop calling me that!” Hyunjin felt like he was on the edge of a cliff. “I’m not _beautiful_ , I’m not your _baby_ , I’m not an _angel_ , and I certainly am not your _love_ , so stop fucking calling me all of those things!”

As the hurt in Hyunjin’s eyes became even more visible with every single word Felix threw out, Felix couldn’t seem to have cared anymore. He just continued. He went on and on, as if his target and goal in life right now was to break Hyunjin as a whole, and after a while, it really did.

“You’re so fucking annoying, just leave me alone!”

The door slammed the same time as the shards of Hyunjin’s heart fell onto the floor, and Hyunjin barely moved to pick themselves up. For there was only himself and no one else to do it for him. No more Felix. It was just him.

Then a river flowed downstream, and eventually became a messy and inadequate ocean.

 

__

_**///** _

__

_beautiful,_  
_that's what you are._  
_a baby,_  
_i wanted to protect you._  
_angel,_  
_the day you were born,_  
_heaven lost its best._  
_love,_  
_a feeling i never fully expressed,_  
_and i regret everything._  
_felix,_  
_i loved you._  
_perhaps you knew,_  
_perhaps you didn't._  
_felix,_  
_i love you._  
_perhaps you know,_  
_perhaps you don't._  
_felix,_  
_i miss you,_  
_and you should know._

__

_**///** _

A year passed, and Hyunjin was still counting, hope still in his empty eyes.

Six more months passed, and Hyunjin was still counting, hands still trying to grasp at something that seemed to be missing.

Two years passed, and Hyunjin was still counting, his ears sharp upon wanting to hear his voice again someday.

Three and a half passed, and in the middle of counting, Hyunjin’s world seemed to stop as his dull life was suddenly splashed with color again as his dull eyes focused on the television in front of him. Instead of yellow, though, he saw red.

The color splashed, but the next second, it was gone. Another river started to flow downstream again. 

If it were announced to him privately, he probably would’ve felt better. But this, this was announced _publicly_ , for the whole goddamn world to see, and Hyunjin’s hands formed into fists as he could only see _red, red, red_ as he continuously punched the wall closest to him. His fists hurt, yes, but it was nothing compared to what the news had made him feel.

The young son of Korea’s largest companies’ CEO had died of an unknown cause, and if the name ‘Lee’ hadn’t been shown on television, maybe Hyunjin wouldn’t be the mess that he was right now.

Hyunjin knew Felix was rich. Hyunjin knew he was the son of CEO Lee, too, and the only reason why his Korean wasn’t good was because he had been living most of his life in Australia, even if he was Korean. As his former best friend, Hyunjin knew everything.

Hyunjin knew everything, but he had barely done anything. He did nothing to support his best friend’s dreams. He couldn’t do anything to stop his death at such a young age, either.

No matter how much Hyunjin truly loved him, Hyunjin didn’t deserve him. Felix deserved so, so much better, but the selfish part of Hyunjin wanted Felix to live, wanted Felix to even breathe for a split second more to hear Hyunjin finally mutter the words he had always wanted to tell but never had the courage to.

“Felix, I love you.”

Funny how Hyunjin finally listened to Felix, finally didn’t call him by a pet name, only when he was finally gone forever. Hyunjin laughed drily, his eyes and heart even more empty and hollow than before. 

“Felix, I’m sorry.”

And perhaps, Felix could hear him all the way up from heaven. Perhaps his beautiful angel’s still mad at him for everything he has done, and for everything he never did to protect his baby, to protect his love. Perhaps, Felix knew everything. Perhaps, Hyunjin was so close to getting what he wanted.

And perhaps, in another world, another moment, another lifetime— Hyunjin and Felix could’ve fallen into place, too, just like how Hyunjin had always wanted them to.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i wrote those poems myself hsjd you can comment n tell me which poem's your favorite if u want hehe
> 
> feel free to scream at me on twt @hyunllx  
> or drop me hyunlix prompts i dont mind
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated! i love you all


End file.
